OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Who wears a wallet chain?!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dicks are not precious.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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