OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
