But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
