Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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