look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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