real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
