im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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