I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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