The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
