does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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