??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
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we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
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I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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