The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
