# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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