It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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