Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
