I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
