i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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