They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
