Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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