Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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