I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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