I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
