Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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