Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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