I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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