yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They are going to name an STD after you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
