You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
