if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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