I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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