So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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