Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
