just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
