Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
