We're facebook friends in real life
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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