Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
