I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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