I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
