Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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