You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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