I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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