I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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