and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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