you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We're too hungover to prance.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
