My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize