and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
