the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
