I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My pussy is not your playground.
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I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i drank out of a bidet.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
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You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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