I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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