It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
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Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.