Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.