he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue