I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.