Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again