96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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