I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
