Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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