complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
