I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
