Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
