With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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