so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
