the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
