I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
