Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
