You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
