i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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