Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
