Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
