I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
