I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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