Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
