worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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