Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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