I puked a lego.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have feelings that need drinking.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
