is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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