I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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