He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
